“Christian was the first man for whom the thought of having children with him did not frighten me – before and after that, unfortunately, it never happened again. My heart was very, very sore then.
For a few days I was paralyzed – crying all the time and only acting on direct demand – getting up, washing, dressing, eating. My stepmother, my family, my friends took touching care of me. But then it was suddenly clear to me, you can’t leave it like this. My father said I was grieving like an island woman. Short and intense, then it goes on.
In fact, from the beginning I talked a lot about Christian’s death, both with my family and with friends. And I started to find the positive aspects for me:
Christian hadn’t suffered, he had died instantly … His greatest fear: kidnapping, torture, mutilation hadn’t happened … He had died doing what he loved to do most: being a journalist in the front line … No one could have stopped him, it was his own decision … At the time of his death he was satisfied with his life … He had a job, where he wanted to be … had a wife he wanted to marry … And between us there was nothing unspoken, we had parted very lovingly and clearly before his departure. His strong and loving energy was still very much in evidence.”